It is a known fact that times change, nothing stays the same. Pointing out the obvious is not my intent here; my intent is to share how quickly things can creep up on you.
I have been purposefully ignoring writing. It has taken a lot to not just sit down and start writing about one thing or another. I guess I am trying to think before I actually hit submit. Many times I have wanted to just “go off” and say what I think but then I am reminded of oh, so many people who have done that and regret it in the end.
Here’s the Thing…things can change and it is okay that they do.
I do not know but after being married for 25 years I guess I never thought that I would be getting….gasp… divorced.
Yep, I am and I am okay with it; so is my significant other.
Here is where I have to tell my Mom who reads every blog, that it is okay…Yes, mom, I am okay.
Why write about it, why not? It is okay to go separate ways. Do I blame anyone? No, I really don’t except for, maybe a little…
Is Maddie okay? She is a typical teenager who seems to worry more about the halo over her teenage head than what has happened, thank goodness for that, as she is a great kid who needs not worry or be worried about the adult life circling around her. I will say military life had prepared her for the separation of her parents so…Go Army on that.
Did the Army do this to you? Well, in many ways the Army did not help, it made life significantly worse and yes, in some ways if I were to blame anyone or anything it is easy to say that the military life did not help. It did not help that when I was working overseas that the job I had with the government was not as sympathetic to the needs of my family. Again, another blog that will come later. The Army life is not for everyone and it certainly was not for us. I am very proud that we served, but do hold anger towards the very thing I have pride for, again for another time.
Serving my country was not suppose to be this hard but is was and the battle ground that was being fought that none of us thought about was the one right here at home, among ourselves.
When you think about it, very few give credit to those who are part of the 1% who lay it on the line; they put everything on the line for country. When I hear about entitlements, I support the troops, or a reporter who is evaluating the value of the troops makes me cringe.
There is no true understanding to the sacrifice that military families make for this country.
But Maddie puts it back into perspective each time she goes to the movies and asks,
“Do you take military discounts?”
Kid behind the counter, “No, we are trying to get away from doing that.”
Placing her $15.00 on the counter, “No problem, my dad will fight for you anyway.”
This question came up one day and I was not really sure how to answer. I stopped and thought about what was being asked of me.
I knew that my answer would be a forever thought in the young mind that was asking the question.
When my answer did not come quickly to my lips I thought there was a good place to go to get the answer I was seeking.
Much to the young persons surprise I turned to You tube and played the enclosed video.
Her reaction was much like the students in the video. It has opened up a new world for the two of us and opened up a lot of conversation.
Maybe….it can help you too.
It throws curve balls that you really do not see coming. You think you have it all together and things are wonderful but somehow…just somehow, this ball comes out of no where and wallops you in the head. Dazed and confused, you stagger back and wonder, “What the hell just happened.”
In the ruins of your former self you discover that the only thing that has changed from this devastating blow ….is you.
You can cry, be angry or just accept that things will never be the same again and somehow you will find your way back to something that resembles your former self. It can be argued that you needed that change and you were not willing to make it… so…life just made you go thru it. Other times, you may feel that the change is needed and well, you let it happen. Regardless of how, you are not going to be able to go back and try to live the way you formerly did.
You are going to have to accept, move on and just trudge thru the days to somehow find that middle happy ground that lies between the new normal and the old one.
Songs have been written about this and frankly…as I use to sing those songs, I always felt bad for the person who was going thru such a tragic event…never thinking that one day, it would be me. I am glad now that I at least have those songs to guide me thru the lessons learned by others; I have some grounding as oppose to wandering around in the dark hitting walls.
It is truly in your darkest days you can find new life, new normal and new thoughts of appreciation to help you along with the days to come. An enlightenment of sorts can make you realize that though you think it is the end of the world, you actually have found a world that was always right there in front of you but you never wanted to see. Maybe you were afraid of it, maybe you did not want to work for it…maybe…just maybe…you were scared of it.
Life can suck at times…it blindsides you and makes you dazed and confused.. that is life.
So…take the life hit and say, “That really hurt.”
Umm…yeah…but you are living.
The golden rule of, “If you have nothing nice to say, then do not say anything at all”, seems to have been lost in some distant vault of classic behavior. I truly show my age when I try to explain this “old” phrase to anyone who will blast away comments on social media as if they can be somehow retracted at a later date.
Patiently, I explain that words once released cause a lot of damage and often times can never be retracted or removed. Once words are said, written or oral can come back to haunt.
My age does show as I continue to try to explain not only to those close to me but to those in my daily walk thru life that caution should be exercised when blasting people. I think that no one wakes up in the morning and decides to say, “Today, I am going to piss someone off and make them feel like crap.” I do believe that life pressures, lack of sleep, frustration or other elements in a person’s life can make them so angry that they can not form the appropriate language to handle a conversation when they finally run into that last person who happens to just set them off.
Okay, some would argue that some people do not have good, “bedside” manners. Though this can be considered an excuse , it can be argued that some people take things much too personal. While others let it roll off their shoulders. Yes, it can be argued that some people need to learn how to grow a backbone while others need to teach and educate rather than scream and demand.
In a society where social media has taken over whether it be tweeting, face book, name any of them, blasting away your feeling comes first. Then thinking comes after. The words are said. The classic golden rule seems to have been changed to, “Say what you want, apologize later…maybe.”
Respect for others seems to have been tossed aside like a rag. No longer needed, but only used when there is a mess to be picked up.
I do not know about you, but it seems like the golden rule is a good one. A good classic rule that should not be changed or altered. It should be posted everywhere and taught. Acceptance for others may be tolerated better if everyone could somehow grasp the simple lesson of this phrase.
Then again, industries that thrive on mistakes would be out of business, tabloids would go bankrupt and all news channels, talk shows, reality shows, all shows would somehow be out of business not able to employ people because they followed an old rule.
The dilemma facing our society today is not a new one. It is in fact an ongoing social issue that spotlights the ability to show restraint and cultural survival to do what is best for you.
Maybe if we educated others in how to treat people, then maybe, just maybe, this classic golden rule will be able to resurface and take command of how we treat each other.
The again… possibly… I am an old fool, who should take her own advise and not post this.
It came to my attention that I may have been sleeping for a large proportion of my life. I never intended to sleep away all my years but somehow it happened. Waking up from a dream can be good or bad and now that I am “awake” I see more than I ever saw before, the good and the bad.
When I look back or around I can see the memories, the pictures and recall how I walked throughout the years but can not actually find where I may have met my goals or that I had even tried to reach them.
Now I find myself here in an apartment wondering how I got to this point. It is not that I can not recall how but more importantly…why.
If anything can be learned from the experience of sleeping thru life, I can say I have at least woken up and decided that it is okay that I was sleeping. There are a few people who are no longer with me and that is okay. I think they needed to see that they could be doing something else. That the obligation to watch over me as I slept was not what they should be doing. They need not feel angry, sad, mad or more importantly disappointed for they did what they could, moving on was the right thing to do. Those that are still here with me well, they see that I have become a stronger, better person and are thankful that I “woke up”.
By accepting that I slept so long, one would think that I am well rested. Quite the opposite. I am trying to gain the ground I lost when I was gone away in a dream world. Sometimes I miss that world, sometimes I wish I could somehow go back to the dreams that I had while I slept….
We all know that once you wake up you can never go back….And that is okay, for life has a way of showing you that dreaming is good, that sleeping is okay and while you are sleeping…you can dream of life.
Lately though, I have not been the best owner. I must admit that while standing at the window watching the snow blow all around I am not at all excited to bundle up and take her for a walk. She though, looks out the window, and sees something totally different; I wish I knew what she saw. Watching her tail wagging crazy, I roll my eyes and realize no matter how much I wish someone else could walk her, I need to take her out. Snow or no snow, I must go so I go to the closet, grab my coat and start the bundling process.
Maybe this time the wind will not be blowing so hard, it might not be all that bad out there, forget wearing socks, just put the boots on are all thoughts that race thru my head as she dances around pulling on her leash to get me to hurry up and get dress.
I wish I lived in a house, it would be so much easier to let her out. It would only be a quick opening of a door to a fenced in yard and then a quick call back to the door. But no, I live on the third floor of an apartment building complex. I know that there are other owners and every dog thinks they own the place. Dog fights are common and yes, you would be happy to know, my Lyndie is always the winner. This little factoid does not make us popular among the other dog families in the community and well, I am constantly trying to dodge other owners.
See, Lyndie is the top dog, a protector and really does not want other dogs approaching us. She is a single kind of dog. No matter how many times I tell other owners to keep their dogs a safe comfortable distance they always seem to think that they have a better understanding of what is best. It use to bother me beyond belief that they would not listen but now I just let Lyndie go at it. And well, the other owner and the dog learn quickly that they were wrong.
So, when I get dress I am thinking about what other owner might be walking by the door, may be outside and well, socks may be the best idea, as my feet will really get cold.
With Lyndie biting her leash, me all set to go and yes, making sure I have the keys to get back in the building, I venture out the door into the hallway and down the stairs. Each minute wondering what will this walk bring. Most walks are uneventful because I try to go out when I know other owners would not even be thinking about going out.
I bet they are looking out the window and instead of getting a coat on, pull the blinds.
The New Year has brought so much change. Over the last year Cupid’s arrow seemed to stray away from the foundation of a long-term relationship. Just like the crazy course we had taken, his arrow seemed to have missed its mark, splintered under the stresses that life brings. It is not that he is to blame. Maybe, he too, was lost with all the changes that had been made. Another thought, could be that the roads that were traveled did not allow for him to find us amongst the road blocks and detours. It could be that Cupid did not have a GPS.
Blame it on Cupid could be easy. To blame someone would be a great way to finger point. Cupid knew what was going on. Enough said on that…..
To remember a loved one, to reminisce about the good times could lead to depression on this day. BUT it also can allow for the birth of a new love. Cupid will always find a way to shoot his arrow and all you need to do is be open to its placement on your heart.
So, on this day when many are upset that they do not have a “loved one” to share the day with may in someway be missing out. Just take a moment and walk with me on this thought, love comes in many ways. The smile you give to an older women, the gesture of, go ahead of me in line or maybe it is as simple as saying thank you to the person who helped you today. Being nice, giving a hug, smiling at someone or just plain old being nice can lift the spirit of most anyone.
So…on this day. Valentines day. Let Cupid do his work, marvel in his ability to shoot arrows and know that he will always find you.