To my sweet Lyndie..who was there … all the time…
Here are a few things that you need to know…
…That you made our days wonderful because you were there to walk us, kiss us and curl up with us on the couch.
…That you would place your head on my computer and look up at me with those beautiful eyes and tell me to pet you, or rub your belly.
…How you would wait patiently to put your blanket on the couch and when it was set, jump up and “move” the blanket to your favorite position.
…That you would make sure that when I was taking a bath that no one would be able to come in and bother me…
…How you would “howl” when I was talking too loud as if to join the conversation.
…How I miss hearing you drinking out of the toilet, just to remind me that you were thirsty and there was no water in your bowl.
…How much I miss you telling me you want to go under the blankets and cover you up for bed time.
…That I loved how you would pick up my sneaker and run around the house with it till I finally caught you and we got to go for a walk together.
…How you waited for me to come to the Vet’s office after your seizure….
….That you were the best dog ever.
I will always love you Lyndie…my sweet Lyndie.
-December 16, 2015
It is amazing what happens when there is nothing to do…I mean, absolutely, nothing to do. You have already cleaned, washed folded and cooked. The clock seems to tick along but somehow it does not tick fast enough to keep up with the fury of your tasks. Now, you are all done…with nothing, simply nothing, else to do.
Many would be saying, ” You kidding me? I would DIE to feel that way, to have nothing left to do.”
Me, I just sit and wonder, wonder why I ran around like a total crazy lady only to find myself sitting here, out of breath and nothing else to do.
I take a sip of the coffee I have brewed and curl up in my brown leather chair. I start to ponder about all the things I should be doing. What did I miss? Did I get everything did I… I sip my coffee and my mind tries desperately to rest.
The afternoon sun is peeking through the ivory lace curtains and the soft glow catches my eye. It causes me to focus and I look around my very empty house. Empty in many ways, furniture, people, and unfortunately no more dog. I sip my coffee again. Was I ever going to buy that rug I wanted for the dining room? I shake my head, Nah, too expensive…How about the picture for the fireplace? I sip my coffee again, Nah, too expensive …Maybe…
Nah..too expensive…it is all too expensive.
Then I remember that I need to pay some bills…the mind keeps going and onward I go.
It’s been 9 months since the deflate gate saga began and last night I sat and watched as Brady and company won again against the Colts….nine months, that is a long time but when you think about it…that is the same amount of time to give birth to a child.
Nine long months, a little child grows and then is finally brought into this world…screaming….a new life has been born.
In some ways it is fitting that the deflate gate saga took nine months because like having a baby, this too has brought new life to a team that actually seems to have been “reborn.”
It has been a crazy nine months, the ebbs and flows, the angry words, the doubt, the fears, the insecurities…and then…
It is all over, the big day has arrived and the birth has been celebrated into the world…
another child has been born…another day, year and life is on it’s way….
But with this birth, the dream of owning a colt is really not the dream…actually, dreams of another Super Bowl ring is what is wanted….
It seems as if the impossible has happened. Everyone is still in shock…the fact that the Patriots won the Super Bowl is just down right epic.
It seems as if there is no explanation from anybody about how or why the pass play was called …it really made no sense..unless your a Patriots fan, player… I will say Pete Carroll does shoulder the responsibility, all of it. It was in fact, his call….or was it?….
Like a detective trying to determine the case of a murder, Sea Hawks fans, players and coaches are trying to figure out what in fact happened…. And then a light bulb goes on, that the call for the play was NOT from a Sea Hawks coach but from a Patriot coach, yeah.. a coach got into the microphone/ headphones, called the play and Carroll approved the play and well…
That’s what happened and now …we have “soundgate”…another scandal to show that the Patriots knew all along that it would come down to this one play and Belichick orchestrated the whole thing. Ya know, because he is the one who knows everything BEFORE it happens. I can see the detective slapping his notebook, smiling, like a Fox because it is all figured out.
It is decided that announcements need to be made, we need to get out on prime time and expose this conspiracy, we need experts to determine where all the coaches were during the game, who went to the bathroom and …..”soundgate” is very important and everyone needs to know about it.
Then on the other hand maybe just maybe….the Butler did it.
It seems as if opportunity is all around us. The main thing you need to be able to do is identify that it is there and you can grab it. It is important to note, not all opportunities’ are good, pure, and/or honest.
There are some that secretly do not want you to succeed, while others really are sincere and want you to soar. What happens when other people’s motives and ego get in the way or overshadow your success? What are you suppose to do?
Okay, let’s put everything on the table. Why is it that people may not want you to be successful? In fact they may feel that your ability to fail or show weakness may in fact increase their ability to succeed against you. That their ability to mess with you allows them to win the upper hand. Does that mean they are cheating? That they are able to attack your weakness and cut you down makes them …win?
Which brings me to wonder why the big deal of the Patriots and the deflated ball controversy.
The Patriots team is highlighted as one of the best teams in the league and many are extremely jealous of this team. They would like to have the ability to be them and in their attempt to be like them can cause them to appear to have bad behavior and throw stones.
I am a curious person and often ask questions, so, here goes, “Why bring up the deflated ball thing AFTER they blow out the other team?”
Yes, it was a real embarrassing loss and the ego of the team, players and fans were holding their heads. The loss seems to have motivated the controversy to take a dig at a team that dominated the game.
We all strive to be the best and to express that greatness. Many have called the coaching of Bill Belichick as incredible. You have heard it many times and many would have to agree, he is the best in the sport. But with all that greatness comes the other side of great loss. He has not made friends with the very people who praise him when he leads the team to a win. Wait…when he leads a whole community, fans, country etc to a win.
I ask, “When have you been attacked so profoundly and in such a public arena that no matter what you say, people are already judging you? Is it sportsmanlike to be so vicious or judgmental in your language of accusation that there is no accountability to the accuser?”
I guess what I am learning is that I can accuse someone, something, anything and if I have a media forum to report it that it is true. That it will blowup into a world wind of media frenzy and I come out smelling like a rose when maybe my intent is far from pure. If able I can start a small thing and blow it up so big that the media can only grab the sensational pieces of the accusations and report only what they know will keep people tuning back into the station which in turn brings revenue to them and the station.
So, then the issue turns into a profit for others. Again, everyone has their own agenda. Now a days everyone wants to be a winner, everyone wants to push their way over the top to be the first to tell, to show, to point to accuse and most importantly…PROFIT in money, status and in ego.
So, sitting here writing this I realize that so much here is wrong and it has nothing to do with a football, the Patriots or the NFL but has everything to do with how our society has shifted from being respectful to being downright vicious.
For example, no one talks about how the Patriots DOMINATED the game. That the other team had every opportunity to win but did not take advantage of doing so and that in every game there is a winner and a loser.
That’s football…..That’s life.
It seemed like it was going to start off like any other day but it took a different turn when I reached for the milk for the freshly brewed cup of coffee and….there was no milk.
Actually, there was milk, but when I poured it into my coffee it started to clump and made me realize it was, “less than fresh”. It seemed as if today was going to be like all the days before, so I shrugged my shoulders, bowed my head and resigned to the fact, today was going to suck. A no coffee start to the day was not a good sign of happiness, I need my coffee.
As a wave of frustration came over me, I took the cup of coffee and threw it, “today is going to be different I yelled at the cup as it hit the floor shattering, things are NOT going to continue this way!
And then my day began.
Actually, my mind wanted to throw it but anyone who knows me, I would never break my favorite coffee mug, but things need to change. First off, how I was doing things, including not having fresh milk for my coffee.
I have more than enough coffee mugs each one is my favorite in one way or another. Ya know, the one you bought on that trip to Disney or the one that was given to you as a birthday present. It is a mug, nothing more but the fact that it carries the very drug you need to function in the morning as it wakes you up and gives you the confidence of the day, they all are important.
Sometimes though, the lack of milk or a bad cup of coffee can make you stop liking that certain mug. I do not know, work with me here, it seems that now that I thought about throwing this mug it no longer held me to the memory of how it became a favorite mug.
The violent act of throwing it and watching it shatter to pieces can be liberating. If done with a loud, Argh! or some other sound of frustrated anger, could make one feel oh, so much better. I think you know what I am saying, the release of whatever seems to be deep with in the soul and taken out on this otherwise meaningless coffee mug, can make you feel liberated.
So, I guess I am saying that when you throw the mug….make sure there is no hot coffee in it.
Sometimes the words of a song can make you think about things in your life and they seem to grab the meaning of what you are really trying to say so….Just push play on the video and read ….
It seems that there is so much that can happen within your life that rarely do we really stop and think about tomorrow. We just try to make it thru today and when we rest our head upon the pillow we wish to be consumed by the dreams our mind creates…happy dreams…sweet dreams.
To wake up and try to place your feet upon the floor can be such an overwhelming feat that we mostly just push thru and hope that the daily business of the day will get you back to the dream land that you find in the dreams.
The dark days are not what anyone wants to remember but to not honor them in a small way only diminish the triumphs of the road you take in life. It is not the what happens that matters it is how you build off it that makes you the character you are today. Not one thing defines you or your life; it is the sum of your totals that makes you the person you are and that is wonderful.
Divorce seems so foreign to me but here I sit wondering what the heck happened. It was not an overnight thing, nor it just “happen”
I can say it is a series of events and journeys that brought on the “D” word.
My first introduction to being single again was when I sat down and realized that I was totally financially responsible for me and my daughter. Wow, what an overwhelming feeling . I felt a flood of anger, meanness, tears and total destruction overcome me but anyone who knows me knows that is not me. I sat and stared….
As luck would have it, my Pandora(music channel) was playing in the background and this song came on…I began to smile cause with any major change in your life you look for signs to bring you back to reality. A “Hey are you listening to me up there!” kinda moment….
I read the other day about someone who is a brilliant actress, she is struggling and wanted to give up. I actually think that is what she said in her Facebook feed..I wanted to comment on it but encouraging words did not come to mind.
I want to reach thru the social media medium and tell her that it will be all right that life’s journey has it success and failures. I wanted to tell her it is a journey..that all will be all right but my negative mood was driving me that day . I wanted to live in the yuck for a little bit longer. I am not happy that I did this cause she needed to hear that she has so much to offer…so much joy to give to all who know her.
See this is what I wanted to tell her and for that matter to anyone else who is struggling…it is meant to be a Long Hard Road.