It seems like there is so much to write about these days that to NOT write a comment or two seems …foolish. I am not sure where to begin.. Do I talk about the job interview I had that seems to have crossed the line of legal questions that can be asked? Or do I discuss how Kelly Anne, Counselor to the President is touting Ivanka’s business? Or maybe, I should talk about how incredibly elated I am that the Patriots won the Super Bowl?
It seems lately that I have stepped into a world of crazy stuff that before would have sent me on my high horse demanding clarity and correction of the wrongs that had occurred. Well, I must admit, I did do that yesterday after I had a job interview that didn’t go exactly to plan. The jury is still out on the final outcome of the interview but I will say this, I am not sure whose fault it was, mine for not stopping the interview or the other persons fault for asking the unlawful question.
When I watched Kelly Anne on national TV tell me that I should buy Ivanka’s clothing and fashion line, I nearly heaved the TV off the table. Federal employee’s are not allowed to discuss or promote businesses. She has been reprimanded but Dad is the President and he did tweet about her clothing so, where is the separation of what’s right and what’s wrong?
With the lines of decency and law seemingly being meshed together by the highest office of our country these days, who is guiding us in a world that civility once held us together? I have been listening and watching various media and trying to understand the chaos that is not only surrounding us but invading the very fiber of our daily lives. There was a time that disagreeing was good, was healthy, was needed to have it in order to obtain the best ideas that would rise to surface and serve us all. There were laws that needed to be followed too. These days, it’s gotten so toxic that nothing seems to be respectfully done.
Here’s the Thing…..
In this new altered state of affairs, it’s no wonder that the Patriots pulled off the most incredible comeback in football history….
When I tell my daughter to do something she used to do it. No questions asked, just did it but now, she is a young adult who by her own right tells me, “No.” At first, I was a little surprised, and yes, delighted in her new found independence but other times I was so afraid for her. Not afraid that she couldn’t achieve the goals she was striving for but afraid that those obstacles and pit falls that had fallen upon me would blind side her in the worst possible way. She knows right from wrong, she knows there are consequences, she respects others and she was brought up well.
I could see vividly in my mind the crying, the tears and I could feel the pain that she would feel from decisions that somehow I felt were not the best. I didn’t want her to go through such pain so, I would fight with her and fight till somehow the “new idea” would fade away and she would continue on her way. Another disaster totally missed. I was able to sleep a little better at night but, it never stayed that way for long.
It would happen again, but this time I was reminded that she had to make her own mistakes and she had to find a way if it failed. That no matter how much I wanted to protect her, she needed to go. To go and discover the path that would lead her on her own journey.
Here’s the thing….How different is this growing up of a child any different from a new President who seems to fight at every turn? He fights businesses, celebrities, leaders, and well, everyone. Like my daughter, he gets on social media (which I can not stand) and makes comments that are misunderstood, rude, brash, you name it. Though each one has an image of what they want done there might be a point here to make.
The point being, let them grow up.
I am not a twitter fan. I told my daughter this a long time ago and I will tell anyone who wants to “tweet” to just keep their opinion to themselves. I find it to not only complicate a situation but gets too many opinions involved. There is so much drama surrounding a tweet that the real issue seems to get lost in the side drama issues . No one can have a solid, good, conversation with limited characters.
If you want to “tell” someone something, talk to them directly. Lay out your argument or your news and give the person the opportunity to talk to you directly about what you are saying. That’s a conversation and somehow I think that does not seem to be happening as often as it should these days. Now, if you really don’t want to answer someone questioning you, then maybe tweeting it is a good way to speak. Unfortunately, it can make you appear uneducated.
If tweeting is your thing, there should be some basic rules. You should:
- Always have a disclaimer of contents on the bottom
- Check your spelling
- Check your grammar
- Realize it never gets fully deleted
- Not everyone cares or many will criticize it
Here’s the Thing…. Talking to people is hard. They may not always want to hear about what you are saying cause sometimes, no one really cares what you think. Also, having a conversation, articulating what you really mean is not always an easy thing to do. It takes thought, it takes poise and it takes you to actually stand in front of your audience.
I get it, it is good for some things such as; telling me that there has been an emergency but beyond that…. Have a courier deliver it to me.
I was slapped in the face the other day. It hurt, stung and even made me cry. It was not because I was in a fight or even arguing with someone, it was because I needed it. A “wake up” moment, a hands in the air “what are you thinking” moment.
It seems as if I had gotten so far away from being rational as a parent that I was acting totally …..stupid.
Some would just shrugged it off and others may say, “that’s okay”, while some would jump in and say, “this is the moment you needed.” I am not trying to be harsh on myself or too lenient either but when you are a parent, you can sometimes act really stupid…yes, stupid.
I knew the day would come that my daughter would drive a car. I just kept putting the thought off that some how that moment was really, really far a way, The other day I was sitting with her in the testing area for just that, her getting approval that she would have a license. Then she came up to me with a huge smile on her face I smiled but somewhere deep in side of me was crying. My little girl was no longer a little girl. She was headed out on her own. Selfishly I said to myself, “I have the car all the time, she will need me to drive her everywhere.”
Then, by the grace of God, her dad bought her a car. At first, I was excited and grateful for such a gesture, then, I realized, she did not need me anymore. She had her own transportation. I began to act silly, yelling at her, grounding her for no reason and just being… a parent.
I was conflicted, could not understand why I was so agitated at the new purchase or why I was just being mean. It was a wonderful thing that she had this new car. A symbol to her that she was growing up and could now travel anywhere she wanted, what a wonderful thing! In my mind it terrified me. What if she got hit by someone, does she know how to pump gas, does she know how to stop in time? The scenarios raced through my mind. I was not happy, scared and fearful that she would be hurt.
I think mostly I was afraid she would not need me anymore. That she would be a ghost, someone who would see me, “on occasion.” My life has been dedicated to this wonderful child. Each day has been filled with, how to take care of her. I was sad, I felt like she did not need me anymore.
“What!” You think that after all this time all I would do is walk away?” She bellowed at me one day while talking about some issue that we were not agreeing on.
This was not one of her temper tantrums I was used to, it was an adult reaction to someone else acting like a child and that someone else was…me.
The slap in the face. The moment of truth.
I can say that since that day I am more understanding and tolerant of her stepping out. I attempt to treat her like a young adult and even try not to over protect. Not an easy task but one that I do while rubbing the side of my face knowing that there is a little sting still there.
This question came up one day and I was not really sure how to answer. I stopped and thought about what was being asked of me.
I knew that my answer would be a forever thought in the young mind that was asking the question.
When my answer did not come quickly to my lips I thought there was a good place to go to get the answer I was seeking.
Much to the young persons surprise I turned to You tube and played the enclosed video.
Her reaction was much like the students in the video. It has opened up a new world for the two of us and opened up a lot of conversation.
Maybe….it can help you too.
The golden rule of, “If you have nothing nice to say, then do not say anything at all”, seems to have been lost in some distant vault of classic behavior. I truly show my age when I try to explain this “old” phrase to anyone who will blast away comments on social media as if they can be somehow retracted at a later date.
Patiently, I explain that words once released cause a lot of damage and often times can never be retracted or removed. Once words are said, written or oral can come back to haunt.
My age does show as I continue to try to explain not only to those close to me but to those in my daily walk thru life that caution should be exercised when blasting people. I think that no one wakes up in the morning and decides to say, “Today, I am going to piss someone off and make them feel like crap.” I do believe that life pressures, lack of sleep, frustration or other elements in a person’s life can make them so angry that they can not form the appropriate language to handle a conversation when they finally run into that last person who happens to just set them off.
Okay, some would argue that some people do not have good, “bedside” manners. Though this can be considered an excuse , it can be argued that some people take things much too personal. While others let it roll off their shoulders. Yes, it can be argued that some people need to learn how to grow a backbone while others need to teach and educate rather than scream and demand.
In a society where social media has taken over whether it be tweeting, face book, name any of them, blasting away your feeling comes first. Then thinking comes after. The words are said. The classic golden rule seems to have been changed to, “Say what you want, apologize later…maybe.”
Respect for others seems to have been tossed aside like a rag. No longer needed, but only used when there is a mess to be picked up.
I do not know about you, but it seems like the golden rule is a good one. A good classic rule that should not be changed or altered. It should be posted everywhere and taught. Acceptance for others may be tolerated better if everyone could somehow grasp the simple lesson of this phrase.
Then again, industries that thrive on mistakes would be out of business, tabloids would go bankrupt and all news channels, talk shows, reality shows, all shows would somehow be out of business not able to employ people because they followed an old rule.
The dilemma facing our society today is not a new one. It is in fact an ongoing social issue that spotlights the ability to show restraint and cultural survival to do what is best for you.
Maybe if we educated others in how to treat people, then maybe, just maybe, this classic golden rule will be able to resurface and take command of how we treat each other.
The again… possibly… I am an old fool, who should take her own advise and not post this.